A Very Trekkie Christmas
by eclipsed heart
Summary: It’s Christmas aboard the Enterprise D and the holiday receives a surprisingly warm welcome. Garlands down the hallways, Santa on Holodeck 3, a tree in ten-forward, mistletoe outside of sickbay, a chimney on the bridge… Wait, what?


**AN: So, my brother told me he wanted a Star Trek story for Christmas. I bet he didn't think I'd actually do it.**

**Please keep in mind: This is my first fic for this fandom (and will probably be my only) and I'm not too sure how some of the stuff is spelled. Bear with me, please? Enjoy!**

A Very Trekkie Christmas

Captain Jean-Luc Picard entered the turbolift. "Bridge," he said. As the lift began to move, he wondered why it was that he felt so very tired. The lift stopped for a moment and the doors opened as Data walked in.

"Good morning, sir," he greeted the captain.

"Good morning, Commander Data."

There was silence in the lift the rest of the way to the bridge. When Picard and Data exited the turbolift, Picard did a double take. There, right next to Lieutenant Worf, was a heart with a fire burning brightly in it. Above the hearth was a mantel, and the smoke floated upward in a brick chimney. Data walked right past it and took his place on the bridge.

Captain Picard was absolutely appalled. "Commander Riker?"

"Yes, Captain?" Riker answered, rising from his chair.

"Could you _please_ explain to me what the hell this fireplace is doing on my bridge? And it had better be a good explanation!"

Riker's eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "You don't like it, sir?"

"I didn't say that, I just want to know what it's doing here!"

Riker shrugged. "Well, the children insisted that we needed a way for Santa Claus to board the Enterprise, and they didn't think he would much like the transporter."

Picard blinked, not knowing what to say, but absolutely outraged that his first officer would allow this to happen. Riker seemed to know what Picard was thinking.

"Please, sir, the children are very excited about this. Chief O'Brien even agreed to dress for the part. It won't be for long, just another couple of days."

The captain glared a t his first officer for a moment, wanting with every fiber of his being to just say no. "Alright," he found himself saying instead.

Riker smiled. "Thank you, sir. I'm sure the children will appreciate it."

Picard just sighed as he walked to his chair, wondering just what he was getting himself into.

{[(/*\)]}

"Jean-Luc? Are you there?"

Captain Picard was in his quarters reading a book when he heard Dr. Crusher's voice coming from his communicator. "Yes, I'm here," he replied.

"Oh, good, do you think you could come to sickbay for a moment?"

Picard shut his book and began to walk to his door. "Yes, Beverly. What's the circumstance?"

"We have a bit of an…unusual patient that I thought you might want to meet."

This intrigued Picard. "Alright. I'm on my way, Doctor."

He stepped out of his room and strolled down the hall. Suddenly, he froze and turned to look down the length of the hallway. There was red and green garland on the walls as far as he could see. He blinked and shook his head before continuing on his way, muttering, "What in the world is this ship coming too…?"

He was just coming upon sickbay when Dr. Crusher walked out, bumping into him in the doorway.

"Oh, sorry, Jean-Luc," she said, looking up. She didn't move an inch.

"It's quite alright, Doctor. Now, may I see this patient?"

"In just a moment." Dr. Crusher closed her eyes and puckered her lips at Picard.

He gave her a quizzical look. "Doctor, what the devil are you doing?"

She opened her eyes. "Why, I'm waiting for you to kiss me, Jean-Luc." She went back to puckering, glancing up.

Picard followed her eyes, spotting the root of the problem. There was a sprig of mistletoe hanging above them. He sighed.

"Doctor, I would really like to see this patient of yours."

"Yes, yes, but we have to kiss! It's Christmas law, you know!"

"Look, I don't know why everyone's so in tune with the Christmas spirit this year, but I have more urgent matters to attend to."

Doctor Crusher looked disappointed. "Fine." She stepped aside and allowed the captain to walk into sickbay. There was only one occupied bed and the occupier was quite petite. She had a long nose, pointy ears, and strange looking shoes on her feet.

"She says her name's Beatrice," Dr. Crusher provided. The little woman frowned up at them.

"You broke the Christmas law! How could you?"

Picard looked the strange little woman up and down. "Just how did you come to find yourself aboard the Enterprise, Beatrice?"

"I was dropped off, of course."

"And how did this happen without my knowledge?" Picard looked back and forth between Beatrice and Dr. Crusher, who shrugged.

"Magic, of course," Beatrice replied, smiling.

"Magic…" Picard repeated to himself. "What species are you, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

He turned to the doctor. "Exactly why did you want me to come down here?"

"She said she was dropped off and hid herself by magic. She didn't trigger the intruder alert and the ship doesn't acknowledge her existence."

"Peculiar, very peculiar. Do you think she's of any threat?"

"Not that I can see, Jean-Luc."

Beatrice smiled at the captain. "Ah, Jean-Luc. A beautiful name, really. I remember you, too. Never thought you'd grow up to break a Christmas law." She shook her head as though she were deeply ashamed of him.

Picard looked at the little woman in confusion. "Doctor, you wouldn't mind keeping her here, would you?"

"Not at all, Captain."

"Good. I'll be leaving now," Picard said, and slipped out of sickbay before Beverly could try to kiss him again.

{[(/*\)]}

Picard had intended to go to Counselor Troi's quarters and see if she could help him reason with what was happening on his ship. He went through the garland-decorated corridors and tried not to notice the mistletoe hanging in various spots on the ceiling. However, when he reached the counselor's doorway, he thought he had come to the wrong place, for her door was covered in dozens of multicolored little lights.

Picard put his head in his hands. "I must be getting ill…" he muttered as he turned around and walked away. Maybe Guinan was still sane. He decided to go see her in ten-forward.

Picard entered ten-forward and found that it was just the same as always. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat at the counter. Guinan came over to him almost immediately.

"Hello, Jean-Luc. Can I get you anything?" she asked him.

"A listening ear would be very nice, Guinan."

She rested her elbows on the counter. "Okay. What's the problem?"

"What's going on on this ship? I found I chimney on the bridge that Commander Riker told me was for Saint Nicholas, there's garlands all down the hallway, lights outside Counselor Troi's, and Dr. Crusher tried to kiss me under the mistletoe at sickbay. It's all so absurd."

"Kissing under the mistletoe is a Christmas law, Jean-Luc."

He glared at her. "Why are all these Christmas laws popping up?!"

"It's Christmastime. We're celebrating. In fact, that tree should be coming soon…" Guinan looked away from him and at the doors to ten-forward. One of them opened under her gaze, revealing two ensigns carrying a large fir tree. "Ah, there it is!"

Picard looked on in horror as the ensigns looked for a place to put the tree down. Guinan left to direct them.

Captain Picard rose and walked out of the opposite door. "What the devil is happening to my ship?" he wondered aloud.

{[(/*\)]}

Captain Picard began to walk back to his quarters. It seemed that all his personnel had been brainwashed by Christmas, making him the only sane person on the ship. His route back took him past the Holodecks.

As he came upon them, he froze. There was a long line of children outside Holodeck 3. He tried to very carefully maneuver himself around them without attracting their attention. At the door of the Holodeck stood Giordi LaForge.

"Commander LaForge, what is going on here?" Picard asked him.

Giordi looked up at him. "Oh, hello, Captain. The kids are all just here to see Santa. It was Beatrice's idea."

"Who?"

"Beatrice. The little elf down in sickbay. She designed a very realistic program for the kids."

"She's an elf?"

"Apparently."

"And she designed a Holodeck program with _Santa Claus_?"

"That would be correct, Captain," said Data, exiting the Holodeck.

"And who gave her permission to leave sickbay?" Picard asked his two officers.

Giordi and Data looked at each other and shrugged. "I think Dr. Crusher did, but I'm not sure," Giordi said.

"Whoever gave her permission, she's a great help here, Captain. You should've seen her handling the computer!" Data said in awe.

Picard was about to respond to that when he stopped. "Data, did you just use a contraction?"

"Yes, of course, sir. I'd use them all day, too," he replied.

"Something is seriously wrong on this ship…" Picard mumbled, turning away from the pair only to find Lieutenant Worf behind him, holding up some mistletoe.

"It's a Christmas law, Captain," he said, puckering his lips and leaning towards Picard…

{[(/*\)]}

"Captain? Captain, are you awake?"

Captain Picard felt someone shaking him. "No…more…mistletoe…" he murmured, then he heard Deanna Troi's laugh.

"Don't worry, Captain. There's no mistletoe in sight."

Picard opened his eyes cautiously. He was on the bridge, in his chair, and there was no chimney. He sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God…"

"Are you alright, Captain? We just lost you for a moment there," Riker asked.

"Yes, yes, quite fine, number one. I just had the most peculiar dream…"

**AN: Aren't you kinda glad that wasn't all real? HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! Whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukah, or Kwanza, or Yule, ENJOY THE SEASON! And...REVIEWs are much appreciated...**

**(Hope you liked it, PJ.)**


End file.
